Surrender Your Money To Your Better Half!
For better or for worse?
Lisa Newton started Boogles Ltd (a bookkeeping service) at the age of 23, in the same month she graduated, with just £150 start up capital. Her mum put in £50 and Lisa added the rest. Never having had a full time 9-5 job in her life, Lisa's transition from full time education to full time entrepreneur was perhaps made slightly easier as she was (in her own words) "still in student mode." With so little cash, there were no flashy offices, only a back bedroom and a kitchen table. Lisa has stuck to being frugal and budgeting carefully. Initially, clients' premises were the best place to carry out the work as it reduced the outlay on premises costs. Boogles is now in it's 6th year of trading, and they've expanded into other 'money & numbers products' - one being a maths game for primary school children, and another - running money management courses for women.
In her article, Lisa takes a devil's advocate look at how cohabiting and married women 'should' manage their finances - well, they shouldn't... they should let the men do it....
Laura Doyle in her book, "The Surrended Wife" recommends that you let your husband handle the finances, and then 'greater intimacy and less stress' awaits you. Now, before you recoil in horror, (at the thought of giving over all your money not the intimacy bit) then do just finish this article and then decide. For me, as a bookkeeper at Boogles Ltd, I wouldn't even call managing the finances a "chore" or a "job." I do it happily. I love paying bills and keeping on top of stuff. In fact a lot of things are just on direct debit so I don't miss the payment deadlines ... but, for those ladies out there who find budgets, spreadsheets, paying bills and balancing bank accounts just "too much" / "too stressful", then give it all over to him. Let him worry about it and be the family banker.
Financial Suicide ?
In order to 'relinquish' and 'surrender' this 'chore' you do have to completely put your trust in your better half i.e. your husband. Wise? Or nuts? You tell me, you married him. It has been said that people will prove that they're trustworthy, when you give them something to be trusted with. So, as an experiment with your life savings, just try it for 6 months to 1 year, and then see how you feel.
Emotional
Make no mistake, money is an emotional subject. It is about power, worth and intimacy. Doyle reckons that when wives "control" the money - you're rendering your bloke useless, 'impotent' and he's completely dependent on you. When a man is responsible for how the family's income is divided up, he has a stronger sense of his own worth. He takes more pride in providing for his family. They will rise to the challenge and actually TAKE PRIDE in looking after you, and the kids - and unlike women who see it as 'a chore', men view it differently. They'll be proud.
Caution
There is a note of caution here though. Don't try this at home with a bloke who has an active addition - to alcohol, having affairs, gambling or drugs. He'll only go and blow it having a great time. Plus the case studies in the chapter - including the author herself did have a few teething problems - i.e. Doyle's lights got cut off because the electricity bill didn't get paid on time. So, you have been warned, that it probably won't be all plain sailing.
Even if you've been managing fine with separate bank accounts, this book still urges you to try it. Let him control all the money.
Spending Power
The idea is that you just tell your husband what you need. He gives it to you. You spend. He can deal with all the bills. You still have "spending power" - you just let him take the headache. Sounds good? Well there is even better news.
Three Miracles to expect
It's not all doom & gloom. Doyle gives us some hope, as to what we can look forward to should we surrender our finances.
1. Perpetual dating
He can start to wine and dine you (like in the early days), and if he didn't before, then he can start now. (Even if it is on your own money).
2. Increased Generosity
Apparently, men will be more generous with you (i.e. gifts) then you will be with yourself. Tell that to my shopaholic friends.
3. Greater Prosperity
When men have a direct relationship with the money they earn, they can see where it's going...and if its short, then THEY will feel the urgency to keep the joint account full and to earn more and provide well.
And, I know what you might be thinking... 'What if I earn more money than him?' Good question, but I'm afraid the answer is still the same... let him take care of it. (Don't shoot me girls, I'm just going by the book!).
How do I do it? The Steps.
If you are still keen to give this a go, the 2 steps are:
1. Merge your money
i.e. open a joint account
2. Make a spending plan
You must stick to your spending plan. If necessary, revise it monthly, but try to stick to your end of the bargain. Live within your budget.
I Can't.
Don't let him in on the game. All you need to say is "I can't pay the bills anymore. I'm just too stressed and overwhelmed." Put the cheque book down and leave it there. Let him deal with it. If he asks for help or advice, just say, "I'll leave it up to you." Don't be tempted to "tell him" or "show him" - he'll soon get the hang of it. He was able to pay his mobile phone bill before he met you, so I'm sure he'll cope.
But, does it work?
The book doesn't mention anyone it didn't work for. So, if it works - then add me to your spending plan (cheques, cash, pay pal accepted); And if it's 'not working yet' - then there are 'surrendering circles' you can join, to get the support of fellow women going through the same struggle.
If you have no-one to 'surrender' to (or don't quite trust anyone else with your business money), then you can always let Boogles take care of your bookkeeping & accounts for you. www.boogles.co.uk Or, get him to attend one of our bookkeeping training classes, so that you can feel a little bit more confident.